I have demons in me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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