You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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