Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
