dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
