best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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