I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
