I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My feet surprised me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
