the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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