hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
