I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
