She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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