Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
