Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
