Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
