He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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