Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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