I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
