The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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