Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize