We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
