apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
