Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
