the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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