She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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