I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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