I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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