And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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