What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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