I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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