i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
