When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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