theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
