I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
