I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
