I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
