i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
