Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
