you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
as a side note pls kill me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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