I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize