worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
