there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
