Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize