her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
