Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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