Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
