p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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