Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize