So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
