If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
