Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
