i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
