Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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