The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize