Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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