dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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