Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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