Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
FUCK WHALES
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
