dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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