Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
