Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
