Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize