hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How external is "for external use only"?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize