I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
