Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize