I wanna passion pit in your ass
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
