y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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