I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
