Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
