And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize